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Sweet Dreams & Rude Awakenings

Poetry, Prose, Blogging, Mental Illness

Grains…

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Emotions riding on the trains of random thoughts
Passengers belonging to the past; hurry, let them off!
Remembrances, needing counter-crossed; now, pull the stop!

My form is to unbind; past & prior, literary confines
Vers libre to be poetized with rhyme; no crime
Ineffably veiled between tercet’s lines

Attune to your favorite love song; instead
Usually only about 4 minutes, if that, of a spread
It’s to end; in our pasts, next tempo, a bit more fast

Swift is the current within each artistic swirl
Memories awash in the crest of each wave to curl
Crashing, to which, builds the lustrous pear

Of Wisdom

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Be Right Back

I want to write about I
[also known as ME. This will be long….trust WE…]
A journey to share w/thee
I gift to you a read, a whole other part of me

Some to know how my words are to flow
Others beginning to read me; Hello!
Welcome to my expressions as it does unfold

I tend to repeat or go too far & have to digress
My writings are mostly prose; sadness is stressed
Feelings I’ve needed to purge as they were to undress

Some come to find
My erotica writings crossing the line
Sensuality in animalistic natural flesh; I do, confess!

My nature is my calling
My path I haven’t known, still
My need to explore all of free will

I’m not reaching for any stars
I’m not searching for the right partner
I’m not seeking any answers to become sharper

There is a knowing in our inner soul-being
Release the mind from it’s constant repetitive thinking
Wakening the awareness to us; who experience breathing

I travel down this journey with you….
Those still reading; I am to assume—
I do wish to reach you, too…peace is true….

Don’t be scared….I’m as much gone as I am ….here…
….to share that there is something…
…Something, to being slightly insane…”read on if you care”

Blessed with individuality at our request
It isn’t a race; this I must address
These are chapters consumed when this body is laid rest

I had a snap, after a suicidal-idealization; matter of fact
I & me had gone slightly insane & jumped off track
Emotional havoc, the brain shorted & crashed

Void of all thoughts, to be…. just as, we all came
Worries, frights, delights & plights vanished out of sight
Absence in experiencing this reality but physicality to remain

[Duality to balance the insane]

A surge of answers, I had unasked & never was spoken
Shorting my mind & into the divine it had awoken
Significant Samsara, as we drew our first breath to this life

To be of a single tone; you & me…..we ring
Yet, this topic was originally about I & me … 😉
Possibly guide some through this abstract thing

After-life choices, where you are to fit
It isn’t all one big organizational commitment
It is what our lessons learned, does permit

Knowledge minus the man created laws; concealing
Unlearned beings are coming forth to do the healing
No longer suppressing the inner true self ….sensing

It is late, I will break & speak no more
All that I’ve witnessed is my understanding or there the lack of
Nothing of matter, for we all, will come back together

LOGGED OFF

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Take another selfie or post that silly joke
Likes, laughs, & pokes to continue to provoke
Piteously, pride & ego are stroked by voyeuristic folk

Filters & apps to contour the image’s allure
Cloaking to obscure the ever so sensitive & insecure
Eventually to tire, is what will transpire

Some try to surmise what your life might be like
Reading your comments & following your page
Judging character, as if you were on stage

It’s not real, for any, to tangibly touch
None of it has ever been really true & such
Astonishment misconstrued of simply being you

I’ve read the scripts
Comments full of latent sexual benefit(s)
PM’s & pictures to fulfill shameless adrenalin kicks

Others feeding the attention tramps flare to be rare
Emotional connections exposing more than their share
Existing unions, some don’t care & others fall into disrepair

Technology connecting all of our un-dreamt dreams
Permeating & twisting our pure nature, so it seems
Appeasing to our neanderthal animalistic extremes

Don’t you not see what’s happening to majority
Disconnection of the physicality of this reality
Relinquishing creativity & letting them feed you your dreams

Developments of man-made pleasing machines
Holding hostage, so many hypnotized human-beings
Transparency has been, ever so, revealing..…

I’m over the constant hype
I’m so over, social media plights & delights
And all the other similar sites

I LOG OFF
[except for this blog spot]

[Disconnecting the mind from the being has been all seeing]

[If you ‘know me’…..you know where to find me]

Pearls

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Waves to curl & crash on the jagged bluffs
Into the winds she stands; facing the gusts
Baring down on her truths & trust

Suicidal idealization ruptured in front
Taking her thoughts & running amuck
Not knowing how it, all had, even begun

Stuck in the throes
Pain continued to grow
Crisis clinic was proposed

Standing, alone, on the bluffs
She’s feeling to have had enough
Lost all hope & the belief in love

Emotional pain ensnared her divine
She felt the snap of, that which, binds
Her inner self minus the demanding mind

Her center, she’s finally found
It took her 47 yrs, just around
A glimpse, if you will, of why we’re weighted down

An awareness of what life is really about
A playground of our flesh in bounds
To experience touch, light, personal love, & sound

An energy surged from deep within
It traveled slowly up her spine & spread
From her seat to above her head

Freeing her from the constraints of time
An uplifting feeling of an unusual kind
Presence of mind; what a stupendous find

Confirmed with a beautiful energy shift
A feeling of pure unadulterated bliss
No questions to formulate nor a wish to submit

Each breath she feels blessed moment to moment
Her energy woke; so many connections were flowing
Her understanding became more clean in this knowing

She stands on the edge of the bluff
Realizing so very much; she backs up
Turns around & continues down, w/out a sound

For, she’s found individuality is the blessing of this life
Our promise is that there will be an end to these plights
It is, with care, to whom she wants to share these delights

The feeling of being blessed w/insight
Precious is the perfume of this life
There are no words to match it just right

~Be Still~

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Our reminder of where we once came
Is in our dreams where we are all the same
No classifications nor judgments to be passed
No stipulations or laws that regulate our acts

It is the purest place unless PTSD shows it’s ugly face
Nightmares, sleep walking, & paralysis to unfold
Replaying w/out consent; the trauma that took hold
Grief stricken but the presence was never truly controlled

To be the witness to the aftermath over & over again
Allowing mind to be in control; we have to comprehend
It saved us from the horrors this body was to contend
It was a means to no longer quit this life in the end

We gave it control over our being; as a whole
It was our savior, not as religion, was to be told
No god ever blessed us w/the knowledge to know
It was the collective consciousness that shown us so

To drop the facade & leave the parade
To empty out all that once held so much weight
Release all misjudgments that others had placed
It’s time for us to be still in grace…..

~Flat Earth!~

Image result for world map by christopher columbus

Columbus’s spurious charts from his trusty quadrant
Numerating entirely, keeps the mind in a constant
Designing a map; devoid of a real compass on it

it is to…..

Build a house w/a foundation that’s cracked
Installing windows w/nonexistent glass
Constructing a threshold to read:
“Please, do NOT Trespass”!

as it is like……

Constructing a company, with no gains or profits
Defining their accounting w/out economics
Paying employees, out of their own pockets

or to be…..

Prodigious spirituality consuming the root of evil
A schilling a fear, to pay the papacy for a prayer
Blamelessly, to gift guilt, unless contributions shared

Could be too….

Crying w/no tears to shed
Bleeding your heart until your pen bleeds red
Getting it all out of your head & a word to spread

To me...

Flat earth seems so logically based beside constant public disgrace
Lay it out there for others to see the idiocy of what we've been indoctrinated to believe
&
Understand the new meanings
~
“Thank You for reading”


Brass Ring

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Early, behind closed doors, his change into a man had began
Put-upon as a kid, he was not willing, for that, to relive
Knowing right from wrong, his self respect grew strong

Resisting not, the temptations of wild-hair adventures
He strove where his soul pulled him in tow for pleasures
Never to falter or fail just continued to prevail

Riding his Harley, no one could have guessed
He schooled his colleagues & designed the instructor’s tests
Determination of becoming a success; he did progress

He proved his strength in every fashion as he grew
Merciless streets pursued, not to mess w/him; still hitherto
He had shown a side of himself, neither me or you knew

His heightened intelligence surpassed all; so it seems
He is not coming in second best or part of any team
Amazing fortitude; reaching for his solitary brass ring

He’s an amazing man, who seems to understand
My plights & woes; he, first hand, has come to know
Never to wipe my tears but always lend me an ear

Thank You, My Dear!

Deja Vu; Recollection Of When, Too

Okay, Okay….wait a minute
I’m seriously confused by this incident
I need to write, to make sense of it
I’m not sure how; I recalled all this in an instant

I have experienced a seriously weird Deja Vu
I’m going to try and explain it to you
Maybe you can grasp it & give me your concept, or two

{in this particular moment….}

Reading the label on a cannabis package
Talking on the speaker phone, in a jovial tone
Deja vu suddenly made itself known
More information; I was also shown

I recall because, at that time, cannabis was not condoned
No beau to giggle w/on the phone; I, single at home
A dream of fancy w/no validity; my dreams do roam

Disbelief I’d ever be reading a package of leaf
Sold to me in a store, other than on the back streets
Referencing how crystallized, no pesticides, & so sweet!

No cell phone had I owned, in that real-time
Answering my home phone, I acted as if a crime
Laughing on a speaker; seemed to be crossing that line

Amongst my sleepy mind lucid dreams, I often find
With a grin, I wondered why that dream did spin
This was many years ago; a date, I do not remember when

It is not that I am reliving these tidbits
Me speaking on the phone w/laughter & wit
It is the fact that I recall; I’ve all ready dreamt of it all
Where I was in life didn’t resemble anything of that life

The recollection that made me chuckle to laugh
The remembrance of my dream; so many years back
The absurdity that I would even think of smoking grass

My son was young & we were having too much fun
A beau to me, seemed more stressful than a relief
My home, I wanted to be, only a place of peace
[I didn’t trust myself (choices) to be coherent, honestly]

Usually, my Deja Vu doesn’t come w/so many details, too
A faint recall of once all ready doing it all
Never where so many facts snowball
To where I was in life, that it had came to light

What do you think of it ya’ll????

Is this in fact, the complete Deja Vu? I’ve only recalled ‘snippets’ in the past? I’d love to hear your words about this!! Thank you in advance?!

Nothingness Exists; Because Of You

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Dimensions are not out there but within our own skins
So many levels to transverse through, at a whim
Nothingness is the bottom line to win

We are such a multifaceted being
Flesh filled bags, festering full of feelings
Barely room for any sound reasonings

Cleanse the toxic waters, we had been birthed in
Focus more on your spirit that speaks intently w/in
Guidance from our ancestry of moral code versus origins of sin

Amongst all the mix of some fucked up shit
No longer to wonder why this is, talking like a little kid
We’ve sold our morals & values; trying, in this society, to live

It is the act of looking in, that’s when all the questions end
Acknowledging evil roots of where it all did begin
Not to spit fire but acknowledge those who did permit it to transpire

Silence, the final golden goodbye kiss
Separation is why we miss……
……..Nothingness…….
also known to be
….
Pure Bliss

~~~~~~~

[collective consciousness does exist]

Breeding Without Meaning

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No one did take heed; except China, I believe
Humans allowed to gluttonously breed; nothing to supersede
Chaotically spreading of any & all seeds; creating weeds

Selfishly solely focusing on the erotic fantasies to allay
Dominance to persuade & actions fiendishly very risque
Driven by testosterone; seeking that euphoric get away

Carnal bareness to possess after lovingly to undress
Synchronicity in sexuality, nothing can surpass
Quenching the soul’s thirst to feel fulfilled, at last

Females, knowing not, the biological needs to breed
Until reaching into their early thirties
Lasciviousness mistaken, by some, as truly loving thee

A hole in the condom can happen
Carelessness of taking the pill
Forgetfulness of the spermicide, get your fill

Submitting to that dominate man’s advance
When he asks for that dance but doesn’t ever look back
Ultimately, birthed a slave for gov. to entrap & tax

An act that can initiate a pact with mirthlessness
Morals of this earth have gotten so much worse; you see?
Birthed by sexual exploitation, not the desire to conceive

Disbelieve overpopulation of this earth & sea, even tho some disagree
Facts to cover the reality of children being born w/no true meaning
Moral warnings in decrees, about the human rights, not all to breed!

Boredom & perversions rupturing man’s values & beliefs
Women taken out of the home & put in the streets
Children raised w/out their parents if they want to eat

Don’t worry your pretty little heads; the gov. said
We’ll make sure they are raised, taught, & fed
Indoctrination embedded & vaccines injected

………Avoiding warnings, if we were all to breed……
Brainwashing next generations, enslaved mindlessly
Taxation is their only reason for us to breathe…..
Passive Aggressively USA wrecked the foundation of FAMILY
[I do believe]

[….built on the backs of ‘unamericans’…..is more right than most care to believe]

In-Deed

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No roots to grow; when the seedlings were a mistake
No one to undertake the kid’s welfare or fate
Neglectfully, left to heal their own little heartaches

Mental illness evolved, for each one conceived
Torturous pasts all had individually received
Not just one of her kids, but 3; still, to be, breathing

Eldest, to which passed, without her mother to hold her hand
She was left to take the path alone; when called to the unknown
1st left this forsaken earth; w/out hearing her mother’s loving words

We all have our reasons
We all have our sins
I hope to never see that happen again

In any condition, my children are my first conviction
[Lord knows, they tests me every day!]
Nothing to ever stand in my way
Not even on deaths door, will I, look away
My children are mine, for as long as my stay

This shame, I gift to you..
Your actions to accredit this to ensue
Some struggle to forget; others wish to continuously repent
By your words & deeds you made it a more tragic event; Indeed

Hope your time left is well spent……

The lump under your rug is getting pretty big w/everything you’ve swept under it; trying to keep it all hid….after all, *we* were just your tag along kids….some to still worship you, after all the crimes you did …that’s not loyalty that’s Sick Silent Acceptanceconditioned as your kid!

[…………..Not me!]

Write’fully Bleeding

Related imageNothing inspires long enough to wholly admire
Experiences always, eventually, do expire
Some desired to be retired w/no backfire

Purging traumas of the past
Needing an outlet, fast
So it doesn’t creep up, on your ass

Grab your pen, for an escape
Reveal all that takes shape
Even your marital rape

Heinous mistakes have been made
Collected throughout all our days
Written in innocence, in no-which-way

Mental illness grew, as abuse went unspoken
A heart wasn’t broken; you’ve misspoken

A mind split by such pain, was no joking

You do not feel this every single day
Moments of wisdom; you give sincere praise
Blessed with lucidity to look back amazed

Resentment birthed by learning to mistrust
Breech of such is wholeheartedly unjust
Resulting in walking on egg shells, too much

Feelings to thoughts, you separately reassign
Heart or mind; who’s to draw that line
One with hope; the other swinging from a rope

No one left to weigh,
How you are to live each day

…To say,…

“You are fucked up & riddled w/dismay”

….In every which-way….
…alone, you’ll…
..Gladly..
Stay!

She To Carry, YOUR Crux[es]; No More…

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She took her stance; as a grown woman, at last
10 yr anniversary, broken free from the demands & reprimands
Her blood left smeared on, some of, their hands

Unspoken crimes, nefariously acted on her alone
She, their dirty little secret; they’ll soon bemoan
Their warped actions, left for her, to own

She couldn’t believe, even kin, flesh of family
She felt devalued & tarnished w/their immoralities
Resentment & blame, never came to her naturally

She, born w/out a vindictive bone; to her chagrin
Into adulthood, she would fallaciously grin
Oh, their secrets have found a forever home w/in

Suppressing the truth, they think to have won
Saying she crazy & to shun; she the innocent one
Some day they’ll pay for what they’ve done
[each and every one….]

She had to catalog family to be foe
Her sanity became important; you know?
She, to be the happiest alone; in solitude, @ home

Do know, she will detest your name[s]; forevermore
Banishment, she believes, is the best; for sure!
That’s why she lit the match to your memoirs

She To Carry, YOUR Crux[es]; No More…

Wreck That Home

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They opt insight from a single Beau
Exposing their long standing marital woes
After all innocent, for they were, friends; long ago

Someone to flirt with; on the net, down low
Intimate affairs, they impose him to own
Seeking counsel, from a single Joe, building his ego

A fling & an affair is not so uncommon or rare
Raunchy fantasies fulfilled w/in shame, guilt & un'repair
These women are emotional vampires; please do, beware

Betrayal by the nurturer, is hard to ignore
Wives reaching out, as dirty cheap whores
Forgetting marriage & the vows to honor, forevermore

Unless you are captain save a hoe
Help not, for you, to further your growth
Just a fuck body to curse you both

Infidelity is the most hurtful blasphemy; I know
Together held accountable for ruining a family; emotionally, so
Lies kept, tucked away, in a felonious show; now told

Do you want to take responsibility with this you know? 

Same goes for women, who sit alone
Their man, married to his wife at home
Step back & let someone else…..

........Wreck that home........

One Promise; Kept To All

She wasn’t ever to be first
By far, not one of the worst
Awkward, would be the cursed word

Matured to know not love or feel secure
Years of trauma is what she had endured
Abused, neglected, discarded & undeclared

Not many did know what she did undergo
She repeated, not; as she was specifically told
Humiliation didn’t stop till eleven or so

Perversions, she made to study; learnt that section
Never has she embodied crazy anger’s reflection
Internalized shame & guilt upon her introspection

Her olden memories, more obscured & slurred
Taught by read words & deeds that had occurred
Lesson’s to believe in less & present to be her best

On her behalf is where growth is cast
Deciding directions of where her passions are at
She’s to set the markers & outline her path[s]

Her choices, first, to shake her future’s hand
Gifting her with what, it is, she wanted to have
Nothing of it was unplanned beforehand

Our success has no bar, for all, to be measured
One’s pain can be found as one’s pleasure
Individuality is all of our own personal endeavors

PTSD a hex given from exploiting her innocence
Years of depression, she’d fade to disappear
Too close to her thoughts; crystal clear

She to reach deeper, for meaning, than most
She doesn’t believe the hype of what we’re sold
She has her ideas, slowly presenting, to unfold

She doth relinquish her rights to past plights
Her wrongs are all part of her song’s writes
No longer to contemplate meaning to this life

……..The one promise, kept to all, is death’s last rites……

Down The Path

I see your flaws
I see them all
The big & the small

Judgment is not of my weight
Not to condone nor hate
Guiding by standing out of the way

Raising two; it’s not really what to do
Void of the heavy hand to reprimand
Never confident in the validity to demand

My conscience knows sins of control
Familiar with the origins of evil to take hold
Roots rotten, spoiled, & started to decompose

I am not to say I am right
I am not to say I haven’t any fears or frights
I am to say this is my journey, these my plight[s]

I’ll continue my best
Learning from life’s tests
A spiritual quest with guidance & respect

Re-Right It

They tried to destroy her whole
They tried to suffocate her soul
Disgusting display of control; they did hold

She took that final step
Embraced her karmic quest
Absolved her future of what others did accept

Their trials & tribulations
She can not righteously correct
She’s repented her own misshapen events

Pleaded for pure innocent forgiveness
Relinquishing the excuses of who bore witness
Exonerating the vicious witless sickness

Compassion, she’ll always nurture to grow
She is willing to set the speed & tone
A new path for her children to own

Never to repeat the horrific abuse, she’d keep
Her children, reason to absolve the karmic grief
They need not be burdened w/an abusive family history

~Welcome a New Year~

January 01, 2019

Watching the hype
Wishing wells w/whistles & bells
Resolutions boasted mostly to keep focused

Some cursing the prior year
Happy to have it in the rear
Behind them to which disappears

Others to feel blessed w/success
In their own ways of what they know
Pleased but ready, as well, to let go; to grow

Only to understand change is to be this home
A single promise to this existence; to atone
Exiting this experience of this flesh; alone

Traveling back to collective consciousness
A place also known as “belong’ness of oneness”
Privileged do recall in their being’s song essence

Confused are others who don’t know what to do
Knowledge gifted; they blow a fuse
Unable to comprehend information, gifted to ensue

I digress, but continue to express
This new year for me…in what I see
It all depends on where my attention leads

I haven’t the resolutions or guidelines to reach
I am content in who I am; hard to believe
I just wish I wasn’t so crippled financially

Vested with two children
One not an adult, quite yet
Another, well into his 20’s; you bet

Boundaries built & honored to respect
Learning, slowly, I mean what I’ve said
Affirming my core being preserved & upheld

Self doubt is what my life was about
Not last year, I’ve acknowledged my knowledge
I no longer carry so much shame riddled w/doubt

Teachings, I had once, accepted to concede
Others, I believed, over my thoughts I’d conceive
Second guessing myself; biggest weakness, indeed!

Age, I’ve come to slowly see
They don’t always know better than me
Especially looking at their history

After they did breed; selfish in their needs
Knowing not how their choices were mean
Crippling the development of children’s feelings

Not all are taught from their mistakes
Not to learn how to cope w/their heartache
Choosing to cop-out w/another pill to take

Learn to walk in no other’s wake
Their paths were built on mistake after mistake
Heed their warnings; don’t bother to debate

With confidence welcome a new year
Comfort in a fate filled with less fear
Until the day we leave this tier….

Happy New Year!

XXX-Strike The Match-XXX

ADULT EYES ONLY, PLEASE!!!!!

IF OFFENDED BY EROTICA……. DO NOT READ!!!!

THANK YOU 🙂

DREAM ON; WILD ONES!!!!!!!

Reaping the rewards of no discord
Unbiased deeds, fulfill w/lustful needs
Enrapturing the epitome to please

She slides to her knees
Whispering, “yes, please”
“You know what it is I need”

Fumbling w/words to romance her
Her mouth found her answer; faster
She now, your Master; there after…

Pushing you onto the bed
She straddles overhead
You, mesmerized into being led

Her hair to flow to the tip of her nips
You start to reach up, to grab her perky tits
She slides her wet pussy on the crown of your dick

You gasp to shutter
Her tight pussy so warm and befitting
Knowing this is only the beginning

Slowly engulfing your cock; throbbing, nonstop
Grabbing her sensually grinding hips
You make her take you all in; quick!

The arching of her slender back
For your eyes, to take it all in, a flash
Requesting, for you, to smack her ass

So engorged, you don’t know how much more
Her sliding on your shaft you can endure
You beg her to stop but want more of what she’s got

Quickly to oblige,
She hops to the side
She starts sucking your cock, by your surprise

Tasting the essence of the two to mingle
Drives her more wild to gag & giggle
Willing to swallow every drop; no dribble

Rather, she stops giving you head
She wants fucked in the ass, instead
Bending over, her ass she spreads

Catching her hips you slowly work in
Your cock pulsing into the velvety of skin
Biting the sheets, she moans, “you win”!

Stroking faster, you can not stop
In the heat of the moment, you feel blissfully lost
About to rupture into a euphoric exhaust

Felicitously all honored, do expire
Making it last as long as desired
Until the climax, awed & admired

Extinguishing the flame of the building fire….

Did You Get Lost Too?

I want to get lost in my writing(s)


Let me hide behind these words
Let me put them together
So, I can, unbiased-ly be heard

On the sidelines; only to look in as it flows forth
Connections formed through the turbulent storms
Understanding so much built into this skin
So many layers; where does one begin?

Religions breeding fear into the mind; w/our flesh-filled flaws
Stealing fantasies in confessional booths; all along
Sheepskin(s), born again…singing them all to slaughter; ultimate sin
Uncouth, birthed of pride; holds the heart in strict confines

Quantified as invalid; our lovely chi-being(s)
Biologically, we no more than, wayward seedlings
Wherever the wind blew; we were breeding
Mutation due to man’s ego & id; even inbreed, lived

Ego to pride & killing to sin
Depression, which has no beginning to end
Our soul-being, meanwhile, suicide-ing herein
Medication to alter & aid but never to kill it away

Connections resonating faster than the speed of light
So quick to capture, all thoughts, bound in words to write
Surging through my mind; it’s okay..

…Alright…

Our innate essence is what helps us grow to see
Please, realize how many rabbit holes there are to read
It’s purely for distraction if you “look to see”
Accepting this reality, we conceive to be; momentarily

Basking in the glow of an understanding, the know
Acknowledging how suicidal I was; a few days ago
Before the epiphany was to overflow
…I realized….

—I had painfully, completely & delightfully, let go—

The harder I’d try, the sharper I’d cry
All my plights to pleas went unanswered
I was about to take this life, it didn’t matter

Acceptance of nothingness seems absurd
It’s the in-explainable word
A definition we have not heard

Furthering awareness, to help me cope
Given another slice of knowledge; for my lost hope
Reflecting on where, before… here, I use to know

Collective consciousness enlightened me
Our intelligence will never be physically seen or shown
Experiencing this life in so many layers of the unknown

Some to call the collective consciousness; home
This anaerobic environment is in dire need of rezoned
Suffering, caged in, by man made affairs to atone

Bodies rotting full of emotional anguish & despair
Suicidal idealization for no wisdom to(was)had been share(d)
We need to know how ‘un-rare’ this true despair

……We, who all breathe in this air, are everywhere…….

…………Mind, Body, & Chi …….

……..We need all 3 to care….

…….even if not seen as a physical being, we are shared!

Spruce Tree

I do not ponder or even ask why
I haven’t questions in my mind’s eye
Knowledge to be powerful if used wise

To know, we all walk, our own path[s]
Not through our children or parental backlash
It is our choices, none to dictate or demand

We can guide the best we know
Learning as we continue to grow
It’s never a thought of letting go

We can’t, physically, make any see
We can’t force any to believe
I fail to propagate of what I conceive

My ignorance is as vast as the sea
Not supple ground for planting any seeds
Yet, I will always cherish my offspring[s]

Definition(s)

I’ve learned to assimilate
I’ve listened to beliefs & griefs
I’ve studied words & deeds

Emotional roller coasters, of fits, of laughter
Watching tears from traumatic disasters
Lonely is their, number one, biggest of factors

Conclusions I, to myself, alone to process
They aren’t judgments but assumptions, at best
Understanding what it is to be human is my quest

My anguish to isolation for socializing abnormalities
My shifts are few but my thoughts are generalities
My concepts breach confines of societies normalic’ies

This body is surreal & sublime
Free will, the master of the divine
Control, to which creates, crime of all time

Never able to brainwash the abused
Unable to blend in with the norm since youth
Assimilat’able but unable to conform & be subdued

I don’t know what it means to be human; you see
I don’t know the reason why I am even to breathe
One promise, is death unto me; guaranteed!

Few questions, for answers are written lies
It is inside our Chi that the our truth resides
Energy that flows through us, to keep us alive

I’ve suffered to survive…..
…..but….
…..what is the meaning to thrive?

How do you daydream?

Not of our time in sleep
Not the other level, sort of speak
Not the alternate reality; some believe

The daydreams, I see you get whisked away
The memoirs that travel you far-far away
The smiles, I see in your distant gaze

My envy, as I watch such a display
Transversing beyond time’s controlling hands
Touching another in an infinitive lifespan

Those dreamscapes, w/eyes wide open
A place to escape under a certain hypnosis
That happy place to help keep you unfocused

I am jealous & just wanted you to know this 🙂

An Upbringing Of Forgiving; Worthy Of Forgetting!

Events to which, one day, they’ll be regretting
I have absolved their stains forced onto my soul
Through many years of bloodletting; under control

That dark place, such a sickly sweet retreat
A place where my mind was not allowed to think
I disappeared; sometimes, up to a week

The pain I felt, was not, mine to own
It took me, a lot of years, trying to atone
Forgiveness dripping from so many other’s bones

My physical form, I vow to no longer scorn
A promise to my bodies health; I’ve been warned
RIP blade w/razor, as I weep; I’ve known, so well!
[Sadness for ‘my saviors’ no matter how unwell]

Disconnection by childhood abusive disregard
Never to fit in, can’t assimilate, too mentally marred
Too many scars from other’s sins..lay on my skin
[,,,,,,,,Tisk, Tisk….most of you were my kin…… ]

Yet….

……..I win, w/the knowledge of the collective consciousness w/in…..Took me many years but a new phase in my life is soon to begin…….

This, I Know; Let Go

I’ve walked this path alone
My two children in tow
The reason(s) I haven’t let go

Unconditional love for my bloodline to grow
Gave my attention to raising them as divine
Confidence in actions & words to combine

Knowledge to seek their soul’s desire
The spirituality that we all, as humans, require
Not to believe in fables but something much higher

I’m fading away, I see this today
My motherly role is less each day
All I have left is what I’ve made

The battleground is in my mind
So many parts of me conflict w/actual time
Never standing firm on any concept of mine

My shortcomings I’m willing to accept & know
I knew better but the universe didn’t get the memo
My 2nd another blessing to bestow

I did/do my best; this I believe
Not saying I am what they had needed
Success they got the heart, I had hoped & achieved it!

They will always know
Their mother loves them dearly so
Over any other, even as I am forced….. to let go

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