I feel sick w/jealousy ….why must I dig & prod to find dirt when I know it’s there….what am I to do. If you knew the whole story you’d wonder why I sell myself so short in this life. After (and still) all i’ve been through I’m going to tolerate shit that I would NOT NOT NOT tolerate in the past. What is wrong w/me…why am I such a pushover now, in relationships? Why must I so blindly believe…he’s cheated she’s told a very close friend of mine. She doesn’t want it exposed because she’s w/someone and as well as he. It makes me sick but w/out it coming from the horses mouth (just in text to the friend I spoke of.) Gosh, this is turning my stomach something fierce. The holidays on on top of me and im’ having a hard time breathing!!!!! Now, why must this fall into my lap. I guess I ‘created’ it because I’ve known since Oct. that he’d been intimate w/someone else. Just like the job and many many other things and just flat our disrespect that I kept forgiving. WHY?