OMG (that’s Oh My Gravy by the by…)….I believe I might be on the brink of losing “it”. I’ve lost it before (confession: a few fucking times) I noticed [surreal] that I do end up losing a part of “me” everytime I lose “it”. Last was pretty narly to say the least. I had cut so bad that I should have had staples again but I begged to not be taken to the ER. I was also very suicidal at the time. Before my b/f came over I vaguely recall telling/hearing…..just a little and it’ll be over. Wow, sickening to think about….I lose around 3-4 days after a cutting…..Hear me out, It has been used by me for a release of where my inner pain can escape from. I am not sick and twisted and NO I don’t need help in bloodletting it is a very private personal thing. I am not so sure, really, I end up going bye bye for awhile. This last time when I begged to not go to the dr. I went to volunteer the very next day, my boyfriend stayed w/me at the shop and instilled hope that I need to push on and not let the sickness consume me. To struggle like the best to get the fuck outta the house and take care of obligations and responsiblities….I was in horrible pain but it kept me alive. No more deadness….

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