I was sitting and reminiscing w/my boyfriend about my colorful past from childhood till present day…..it was a short horror story (lol)…Lifetime presents kinda movie but i’m not so sure there is going to be some heroic or triumphant victory in the end. Can’t flip to the end and read/watch the ending to get the juice of the story (cheating). This book is unfinished and the movie is sitting on the developing floor (I believe). There is a huge part of me that hates talking of my past…infuriates me….drives me more insane because that’s exactly how it feels. I am reliving it over and over be it in my mind alone or with another who seems to love me. By speaking of it…do I will more power into those horrible memories. To speak it seems to make it even that much more hurtful. To HEAR me say it OUTLOUD. I’d much rather forgive & yes yes yes forget. So what, right? Every last person has had a horrible past. You are wrong. Watch the company you hang around. Notice any similarities…it’s only because that we need to feel to “belong.” I use to ‘hang out’ w/a lot of people that had either the same mental disorder as myself and or some form of a mental illness. Was that to my best interest? YES, I could RELATE and feel a sense of BELONGING. Isn’t that what we are ALL seeking….?? As I’ve grown older & experienced so much more; I have branched away from old friends & have gone alone A LOT. Sometimes I really wonder if I am just to live a life alone most of the time so I do not subject others to my mental illness’s. Ha, Labels… I love how I’ve been branded…labeled & now tracked (how else could those of us w/mental disorders NOT obtain a weapon—don’t answer that because I, to, know where there is a will there is a way. Doesn’t mean our mental health is not being tracked (in a sense)….just like the guinea pig feeling w/the plethora of meds they want “some of us” to shove down our throats. (Keep reminding myself it’s the QUALITY of life…not longevity [not really] that matters.) Oh, bloody hell……Who CARES!!!!!!! NOT I NOR I NEITHER I NEVER I

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