Hello …..it’s ME again.
Have you ever felt to be a bother or a pest?
Sometimes, I believe that those I interact with [on a normal basis] see me coming & sigh deeply like, “not her again!” It is not because I present any problems it is the fact that I don’t believe people enjoy my company. A lot of the times I believe there are those in my life that would have just rather’ed me smile & be that void that I was growing into.
You see…(?), it now leads me here (((this way everyone~~~~> …..That void, you guys, that you feel deep inside you…the one that seems to consume you at times. MAKES you obsess on this void that eats your time year by year & leaves you feeling so hollow. Nothing can come, truly, close to explaining what this void does to someone. Imagine this, your last worst physically painful experience wouldn’t even come close to the pain bleeding from the soul & eventually the numbness that builds in the soul, and the painful silence that starts to take hold. The void that you can’t seem to see but only feel and have felt it for as long; you can’t even remember when it was created or shall we say birthed into your psyche.
Here & today …..you will here me say, “It’s not a VOID, for we’ve created it…it is NOT a void….do you hear me”? I, during my whole teen years, felt I had a void…Therapists would talk to me about it. Friends would try to understand me. It was blackness as a child. A pit that hath no bottom to it. It would feel like you could LITERALLY put your hand right inside to try and fill that void and return w/a hand full of bloody pain each & every time. What it really is, is what we “carry” of those hopes and dreams that failed and not necessarily at our hands but the hands of others that had “control” as well as by our own hands. We CAN lift it…that “void” (as it’s been labeled) it’s the moments we wished we had. It’s the fantasy of being what we aren’t. It’s every little failure we feel to have made or the bad that was done in exchange for breathing. It IS there for it is MENTALLY TANGIBLE and if we can ‘feel’ it we can fix it 🙂
Who would have thunk a VOID to have a core. Yet, that’s what needs to be found is the core to that void. The blackness keeps it hidden so very well. Dangers of getting too close, as not wanting to get sucked into the empty entity is all another strategy of defense from the void itself. It doesn’t want to leave existence if you rid yourself of that …where does it have to go? It is NOT a piece of you (or an actual piece missing) it is a entity that sucks your life. A vampire of life.
So,… if I have the magical elixir/answer to what it is..(smarty pants)..how to modify [not a big fan of the word “correct”] that void. It has been leaching all the light & love out of your life for too long now. Are you ready to get rid of that succubus of your life? Are you TRULY ready to give up that darkness that will seduce you under the sheets, once again? Are you ready to step away from underrating yourself? Are you ready to take those baby steps to start banishing that void? Are you ready to forgive yourself for the pain others have caused you? Are you ready to listen to that child (everyone speaks on that too) that is screaming your name & throwing the biggest temper-tantrum you’ve every seen? The ignoring the tantrum is obviously not working because I think he/she has the cord to the void. She/He holds the leash. If you don’t talk w/her/him soon the leash will be dropped & someone (you) will be devoured by it. How many times does this need to happen? Each time the beast is unleashed it takes a bite out of you for good. You are a lesser when you come back from each episode the void creates.
With all that asked……are you ready?????
Yes, you are:
#1 you read this far
#2 You answered yes to one thing above
#3 You’ve come to a blog known for mental health issues/topics (lol)
There…..3 reasons why you are ready to address this void. If you answered yes to ANY of my questions above….you have and are on the right path to getting rid of it. I have faith in you that you will find the inoculation you are seeking to rid your body of this virus. That void will not be able to live off of you once the positive side of life starts entering your soul. Little by little the light starts shinning brighter and brighter. That black bottomless pit will be exorcized from your life…It will be filled w/forgiveness of yourself & others as well as filled w/love of self & others. That entity (void) will no longer want to feed off of you; it hasn’t a sweet tooth….prefers salty tears instead.
To be honest, I’m not sure when my void actually left me. I couldn’t even tell you. I can tell you, I fought tooth and nail at times w/that “void”….consuming my whole existence & everything around me was sucked into the black hole as well…As it was, at times, just like a vortex that would warp me straight into hell. Lights out….bye bye. Morbid world to engulf everything…gruesome thoughts, horrific drawings/desires, ferocious feelings of worthlessness, and that’s just a few symptoms of this void so many walk around with.
Get that blackness off your chest………….Start w/SELF FORGIVENESS (self love becomes possible then). Stand up and no longer be a host to such a nasty parasite!!!!
I hope you have a very blessed day & thank you for taking the time to stop by and read a line (or 100) lol
I wrote this for a reason…I do believe, it was to reach to you and to let you know that your void is not permanent like you think. It is fact that it’s not a piece of you…it’s a parasite that needs expunged.
Please…ever so please be kind to yourself!
You are a mirror of your mentality……..birthed into reality.
Love yourself first….then no one has the power to crush you. No need for external reinforcement. (always nice, just not NEEDED)…self love is a beautiful thing…and you will give yourself that love one day. PLUS, the day you grant yourself the forgiveness needed for past, present, & soon future…..once you grant yourself the right to cause err … the love your soul needs will be met shortly after.
Don’t forget to take care of that child you’ve personally abused & neglected inside of you. They are special too an need to be heard unless you want to keep dragging around all those failed dreams, false hope, and what if’s. The choice is yours! LISTEN
Okay,….wow…….hope this has helped someone……