Here me out, I’m about to LOSE IT………
I’m about to LOSE IT….Even if for the better change shocks my system. I feel so overwhelmed I’ve gone NUMB. I am walking around a shell of a person…..Change is NOT an easy task for me. The upheaval of my, already, unstable life being turned upside down before me. IT IS GREAT that we are moving into a nice home together. More space for us and it’s very nice. An upgrade for sure. I have been on pins and needles waiting to find out if we had got the news yet…He doesn’t understand I am not a “NORMIE” i can not just be ‘average’ in how I’m to react. Things are like 100X’s the average persons reaction/feeling. IT’S GREAT NEWS…us moving ….yet, I have a hard time w/happy times as well…. holidays kill me w/all the joy and laughter. I get seriously depressed during happy times (many times I have to be very careful or I could find the repercussions of cutting; a few days later)…I guess I’m a freak of nature 😦
I’m about to LOSE IT……I have my b/f who i’m moving with (and my 14 yr old son) into a new home. Needless to say, I’ve been single for approx. 8 yrs (been w/current b/f for 2 yrs) This compromising shit sucks ass (now that my memory has been jogged) Yet, I’m starting to feel like it’s not so much compromising but bowing down to whatever he has to say & just agree. No matter to how right I might feel to be, “fuck it” why bother. He’ll just get more animated and repeat what already set me off in the first place <shrug>
PICK THE BATTLES?
I’m about to LOSE IT……. It’s pretty fucking simple to notice I am overwhelmed to the max. I even told him, 3 days ago, that I felt like i was going numb & then again today & he let me know that he believes what i call numb he calls MEAN. I get so sick and tired of being “wrong” or my idea is not good enough. Then get thrown in my face how much he’s been doing supporting this all ready made family. Which, in turn, makes (which is their goal) me feel inferior to their “support” of this house….while I am bringing in so little……….That’s when I SERIOUSLY question myself & ponder, “what the fuck am i doing”? I do NOT want to feel like second class or second rate in my OWN HOME! I do not want to disagree, fight, bicker,or banter for that matter. It is a waste of my energy to get mad and i feel like he just doesn’t give a shit ~~about anything i have to do or say.
I’m about to LOSE IT ….. He gets to be in a pissed off mood once in awhile and while i’m trying to cope with all this changing around me & feeling numb at the same time…I get NO SLACK!!! It’s bullshit ..he loves to throw my ex husband of 17 yrs (divorced, now, 5 yrs…separated 10) in my face. WHY? Why bring up a man that raped me & he has the audacity to say I’m treating him like how i use to treat my ex husband!!! WTF??? I am starting to believe he’s acting like him so I’ll treat him accordingly! Right, isn’t that how things go down? Say I’m doing a certain thing when IM NOT and keep insisting well….i CAN SHOW …if he’d like. Damn, this petty shit eats me alive. I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!
STOP BEING MEAN?
I’m about to LOSE IT….. My b/f blurted out today that I’m alway s pissed off and mean . Then why the hell is he with me if that’s how he feels about me? I mean, why be somewhere where you are thinking the other person is always an ass?!?!?!IDK what the FUCK he’s talking about! Now, seriously….He henpecks & I, straight up, bite. WTF-ever…….he probably has no fucking clue that he’s on eggshells w/me nor does he probably even fucking care!!!!
TAKE NO ANYMORE?
I’m about to LOSE IT….I stand my ground & will shut my mouth until i have something better to say than bitch, moan, & cry. My problem to solve……I can tolerate a whole bunch more but I don’t know how the rest of me is going to react.
Thank you for ‘hearing me out’